I am NOT Guilty!

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“Working Moms are no way better than Stay-At-Home Moms, as SAHMs give their full time and attention to their children and are able to raise them better than working moms, therefore, you should consider quitting your job to give valuable time to your kid and you’ll cherish this decision forever”.

I have been listening to such statements since the day I got the report in my hand confirming the presence of a life within.

I have always been one of those career oriented women who wish to excel in their professional life with an aim to set an example for their children to follow. How could I just quit when my kid was about to arrive to witness his mom’s successes, failures and her learning through those failures, which she would have shared with him each day while watching him grow and learn things she would have taught him in the light of her experiences? How could I just quit when I hadn’t even tried my true potential to see whether I could play my multiple roles of a wife, a mother and a PR professional with a balance or not? When these questions hammered my head, I sat with my partner to discuss the way forward and stood up with full confidence that I can perhaps achieve it all – only if I give myself a chance.

While I was open to the idea of quitting the job at some point, if needed, I decided to leave things on time and make further decisions accordingly. I took my maternity break but went back to work when my son was 2 months old. Here, I would also like to mention that I am one of those lucky women who have a very supportive management and colleagues. I was provided with a baby cot set next to my table along with other necessary items and yes – I was multi-tasking at work too – that is, taking care of my child and working simultaneously.

It was tough initially but things got settled as I adapted my schedule according to the demands of the new lifestyle since I had entered the motherhood.   Things have been stable so far – I take care of my child and his needs, I am doing well in my career, meeting the deadlines for each task that I have to do for all my clients, and I take care of daily household tasks too, excluding cleaning the house and washing dishes and clothes as we have hired a maid for these tasks. So, should I be guilty that I am not being able to do justice to my role of a mother?

Well, honestly, I am done with listening to all judgmental comments of SAHMs as I truly believe that being a working mom or a stay-at-home mom is completely an individual’s choice. I have always respected SAHMs and all the efforts that they put to look after their families but seriously, this doesn’t mean that I will take your two cents on how I should be living my life especially when I am very well able to keep a work-life balance. One also needs to understand that in many cases, a woman is not continuing a job just because she is career oriented but because her circumstances demand her to work. I even know some women who find their job a escape from certain situations to keep their sanity alive.

Considering whether my life is any different than a SAHM’s or not – I have found commonalities more than differences in terms of things that we do for our kids. I also have few hours to sleep, wake up in the middle of the night to make my baby comfortable and feed him, clean his poop and other mess in the middle of developing a write-up or a client’s business strategy or even during dinner time when I just got a break and was about to eat food after a long hectic day. I also do silly things during the day just to bring a smile on my son’s face, laugh with him, play with him, give him shower, and sing him lullabies or read bed –time stories before he goes to sleep. My son is as close to me as any SAHM’s son or daughter so what is it that you think makes you superior than me – a working mom?

It is my humble request to SAHMs to please stop telling working women that how they should prioritize their babies by quitting jobs and staying at home because, you may think this way, but having babies is not the end of one’s personal life. If you chose to be a SAHM or had no other choice but to be a SAHM – that’s perfectly fine, as every individual has different circumstances to live with. Similarly, different careers have different demands therefore, even judging, for instance, a Gynecologist will not be justified if she is out to serve the humanity while her children are at home with a family member or a maid. Working moms equally love their children and are putting no less effort than you to raise their children appropriately. They have double stress in terms of work and if yet they are doing it all happily and willingly then what exactly is your problem?

I am happy about the choice that I made and I know that my child is not suffering because of my professional choice thus, I am not sorry about being a working mom and for choosing what I felt was right for me and my family. Thus, no matter how many times you tell me that how I should be guilty about my choices as I am not as good a mother to my child as you are – please note that I will NOT quit, as I am NOT guilty!

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15 thoughts on “I am NOT Guilty!

  1. Every woman is born with different capacities, just because of her gender she can’t be bound to serve household purposes only. She can excel in every field of her choice. I’ve personally seen you doing justice to both, your child and your work, and I admire how you’re not guilty! 🙂

  2. Very well written. I, for one, always believed that it’s one’s choice to either work or not after they have kids/after they are married. If you can do it all, then why not? I respect both (stay at home moms or the professional ones). These ladies in the neighborhood or families with their old school opinion should be given a deaf ear. In the end, it’s your life and your decisions. If you have a good understanding with your better-half and in laws, then I don’t see why anybody else should budge their nose in. Unless they envy you! 😉

    More power to women like you. ❤

    1. Dear Saadiya,

      Thank you for the appreciation <3. LOL @ the statement about them being envy. I think people just love to pass comments on others these days.

  3. you wrote beautifuly Hareem. I am also a working mom of 2 kids my eldest one is 3.5 yrs n younger one is just 7 months old. we have a daycare @ our office n both my children have been coming to daycare since they were 3months old. I never look down @ SAHMS but I m often thought of as selfish n also being judged. but wat I can say is it is more tough being a mother while working…..u hav to b at best at work as well as not neglecting ur child….u have no chances of error here….Best of Luck for ur jouney ahead,….

    1. Dear Working Mom,

      Thank you for taking time out to read my blog and appreciating the effort. It’s good to know that you have a daycare at office and are pursuing your goals – keep up all the good work that you are doing for yourself and your family (Y). Agree with the fact that working moms have to prove themselves both at home and at work. Wish you all the very best in life! 🙂

  4. As you said Hareem, it all depends on circumstances, and I completely agree with you otherwise. I think that many SAHMs are jealous of working moms because they have the chance to make a contribution to society and to not be bored. Because of that, they feel they have the right to judge working moms for their own choices. I think it’s amazing that you can take your baby to work with you – many workplaces wouldn’t allow such a thing, no matter which country you live in. As the daughter of a working mom, I’m very glad my mom worked when I was a child. It DOES provide a good model for us kids and I think it may make the mother less resentful in the future because they didn’t have to give up what they wanted to do in order to be a mother.

    1. Hey Miriam,

      It’s so good to hear from you! Glad to know that your mom achieved her goals in front of you and you as a kid are very proud of that. Such stories only give us inspiration to get going with a hope that our kids will also be proud of us as they’ll grow watching us achieving our set targets. I hope this will inspire them to do best in their life. And yes, I have been lucky in this case that I can bring my child to work and my colleagues love him 🙂

  5. ALL moms are working moms, and this better than thou attitude is so uncalled for. It is a matter of choice… and ability… and supportive environment, that allows a mother to decide whether she will be a working OUTSIDE the home mom or a working AT HOME kinda mom. Both work. Both do the best they can for their children. no less no more. It is a juggle yes, but such is life for a woman because Nature has given her the ability to multi-task…. three cheers for informed choices that work for the mom, the child, the family and office:)

    1. Completely agree with you, I have always been pro-SAHMs, as even they are not just sitting at home and doing nothing. They are also burdened with work which is usually not noticed by majority in the society. But then, this doesn’t mean that some of them start demeaning working moms.

  6. This is awesome to read! Don’t for one second listen to any criticism for going back to work! I love hearing that your workplace was so accommodating and it’s so nice to see you enjoy the balance you’ve struck. Good work!

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